Das Power Rankings (done in groupings…actual lists may come later):
Athene-level
TStrohBros
When the rest of you scrubs win the Superbowl, you can one day climb to his level and be his human ottoman.
Pure Pwnage
Schiezzen –While you’re reading Brady’s eyes to see which WR he’s throwing it to, his HB is already 5 yards behind you…with the rock
Bundy- HOW DOES THIS MAN WIN? His team is comprised of madden 11 speedstars and people who think that football is just a 100m dash while carrying something. Stick Jockeys, man.
Relentless 24/7 – After trading nearly away every worthwhile member, he still proceeds to take out the trash. After next year’s draft, Someone remind me to be “busy” when we’re scheduled to play.
Awall – Cutler is a joke, but somehow, the bears make us all the butt(teehee immaturity) of HIS jokes.
Sunshine – Someone tell him the Rams are losers.
OVF- How does a beastly player go 1-7? MADDEN LUCK?? Or…seeing a jaw-dropping player in the draft. I’m not accusing anyone of anything, I’m just (super) Saiyan.
Stop fapping and use both hands to play these guys
OCwrestler – Somehow, regardless of how stacked my team is and how shitty his is, I always have to do a walk of shame back to my house after the pillaging his caulk on my anus.
Dmaki – Fuck you Bowe. Someone tell him that just because bowe can catch balls in triple coverage doesn’t mean I played shitty defense. It mean’s my defense played Shittily.
Vanflank – What he lacks in stick skills he makes up for in trade skills. Polamalu and Mingley, get the fuck out of here. You’re like BB walking over to the raiders draft-committee while trying not to giggle, and air-fingering giant dollar signs as you walk away.
AlwaysRushing – Somehow I have everyone covered and then they just appear open when it’s the perfect timing. It’s infuriating. I claim it’s luck, but rush is really good. That may have something to do with it.
DK – Seahawks in the playoffs…in Madden….in the first year. RIDDLE ME THAT, BATMAN!
You guys are the reason for the hole in my wall
Cuse- Bills. Surprisingly as good in madden as they are IRL…but without the player ratings to go along with it. PURE STICK SKILLS?!
KOTB- Great in the game, but trading Away Woodley, Wallace and Troy makes baby jesus cry and shoves him down a couple levels.
HA- FUHA (PS. I love you. P.P.S Keeping pace in that ridiculous division is a hell of a showing) Also Helmet drafts give up a boost. Keep it up and you may improve!
Bank Shots –While still good and a hell of a player, he looks at his division rivals several rungs up the ladder and cries. A few good games is an outlier, not a mean. And the OUTLIER ALWAYS REGRESSES TO THE MEAN.
Drty- WHO BEAT THE CHIEFS? I guess a blind nut finds a squirrel every…something or other? I don’t know. I just know this perennial playoffer in m11 traded away his Oline and in my eyes (who see big, strong Guards as giant walking hardons), that’s a serious offense.
Coach- Strong Player, Strong GM, Strong 1-2 critical mistakes a game that always end up raping him. Much better than his record shows, but can’t seem to finish strong. If he can play with more discipline, he’ll be a #1 seed contender. Holy shit, nothing funny. LOL YOU TRADED RODGERS WTF?
Gunddown – Strong GM, Strong player, Strong runner, but lack of QB holds him back. Until I see Sanchez able to perform in clutch/critical situations, he’ll be the big fish in this very small pond.
God, I hope madden doesn’t job this game away to these clowns.
Zuke- Brady Quinn as his QB? If he IS the real deal, he’ll keep it up, and his status will go way up. But for now, I’m thinking this is just a fluke. A giant, long fluke. For my sanity and everything I know about ratings, this has to be right. For the love of god, don’t make me go back and re-research everything. Just bench the jackass already.
Zoufan –Incredible team, but I need to see more results. With Mega and Prince, going 10-6 is expected, not a surprise. Ok fine, if he continues to do well Ill jack him up a couple. Deal?
Aceblazer/KingEvisu–If you didn’t believe in Madden-jobs, play these guys. They always play well but somehow, shit happens and they never walk away with a W (Sometime's a Tie. A no-shit tie. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER!)
Boseefus - Strong turnaround after last season, but he’s playing the win-pinata AFC south for almost all his initial games. This half of the season will propel him upwards into stardom, or down south to where he’ll be painting the basement, because he better make his new home nice to look at.
Wildturkekiller –Holy shit does Locker play with a streak or what? More consistency before I move him upwards.
Redible- Anyone can win with the Ravens. Let’s see how he does against a talent-comparable squad.
Grimlock – HAHAHAHAHA YOU TOOK PEYTON MANNNING AHAHAHHAHA. Oh, what’s that? He’s winning? Fuck…well…uh… Wait, are you sure? He’s still in the NFC east, right? He is? Oh fuck. Well, I guess even I get surprised sometimes.
RG2EZ – You gave Mingley to Van. You can win the superbowl and I’ll still have you swimming down here in the kiddy pool.
Lethal – Claims to have vastly improved his run game, and while I can’t wait to see it, I can’t increase his stats before I see results. You’re like my ex, just because I see a lot of cleavage doesn’t mean the padded bra won’t disappoint me right when it gets good.
Timetofap.jpg
THE REST OF US!
Hey guys, I’ll get some popcorn and ill sit in the middle so everyone can get some. I’ll put it on my lap for easier access, too. Just reach right in there and grab as much as you can get. Yeah, just like that. Take some popcorn, you dirty....
Athene-level
TStrohBros
When the rest of you scrubs win the Superbowl, you can one day climb to his level and be his human ottoman.
Pure Pwnage
Schiezzen –While you’re reading Brady’s eyes to see which WR he’s throwing it to, his HB is already 5 yards behind you…with the rock
Bundy- HOW DOES THIS MAN WIN? His team is comprised of madden 11 speedstars and people who think that football is just a 100m dash while carrying something. Stick Jockeys, man.
Relentless 24/7 – After trading nearly away every worthwhile member, he still proceeds to take out the trash. After next year’s draft, Someone remind me to be “busy” when we’re scheduled to play.
Awall – Cutler is a joke, but somehow, the bears make us all the butt(teehee immaturity) of HIS jokes.
Sunshine – Someone tell him the Rams are losers.
OVF- How does a beastly player go 1-7? MADDEN LUCK?? Or…seeing a jaw-dropping player in the draft. I’m not accusing anyone of anything, I’m just (super) Saiyan.
Stop fapping and use both hands to play these guys
OCwrestler – Somehow, regardless of how stacked my team is and how shitty his is, I always have to do a walk of shame back to my house after the pillaging his caulk on my anus.
Dmaki – Fuck you Bowe. Someone tell him that just because bowe can catch balls in triple coverage doesn’t mean I played shitty defense. It mean’s my defense played Shittily.
Vanflank – What he lacks in stick skills he makes up for in trade skills. Polamalu and Mingley, get the fuck out of here. You’re like BB walking over to the raiders draft-committee while trying not to giggle, and air-fingering giant dollar signs as you walk away.
AlwaysRushing – Somehow I have everyone covered and then they just appear open when it’s the perfect timing. It’s infuriating. I claim it’s luck, but rush is really good. That may have something to do with it.
DK – Seahawks in the playoffs…in Madden….in the first year. RIDDLE ME THAT, BATMAN!
You guys are the reason for the hole in my wall
Cuse- Bills. Surprisingly as good in madden as they are IRL…but without the player ratings to go along with it. PURE STICK SKILLS?!
KOTB- Great in the game, but trading Away Woodley, Wallace and Troy makes baby jesus cry and shoves him down a couple levels.
HA- FUHA (PS. I love you. P.P.S Keeping pace in that ridiculous division is a hell of a showing) Also Helmet drafts give up a boost. Keep it up and you may improve!
Bank Shots –While still good and a hell of a player, he looks at his division rivals several rungs up the ladder and cries. A few good games is an outlier, not a mean. And the OUTLIER ALWAYS REGRESSES TO THE MEAN.
Drty- WHO BEAT THE CHIEFS? I guess a blind nut finds a squirrel every…something or other? I don’t know. I just know this perennial playoffer in m11 traded away his Oline and in my eyes (who see big, strong Guards as giant walking hardons), that’s a serious offense.
Coach- Strong Player, Strong GM, Strong 1-2 critical mistakes a game that always end up raping him. Much better than his record shows, but can’t seem to finish strong. If he can play with more discipline, he’ll be a #1 seed contender. Holy shit, nothing funny. LOL YOU TRADED RODGERS WTF?
Gunddown – Strong GM, Strong player, Strong runner, but lack of QB holds him back. Until I see Sanchez able to perform in clutch/critical situations, he’ll be the big fish in this very small pond.
God, I hope madden doesn’t job this game away to these clowns.
Zuke- Brady Quinn as his QB? If he IS the real deal, he’ll keep it up, and his status will go way up. But for now, I’m thinking this is just a fluke. A giant, long fluke. For my sanity and everything I know about ratings, this has to be right. For the love of god, don’t make me go back and re-research everything. Just bench the jackass already.
Zoufan –Incredible team, but I need to see more results. With Mega and Prince, going 10-6 is expected, not a surprise. Ok fine, if he continues to do well Ill jack him up a couple. Deal?
Aceblazer/KingEvisu–If you didn’t believe in Madden-jobs, play these guys. They always play well but somehow, shit happens and they never walk away with a W (Sometime's a Tie. A no-shit tie. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER!)
Boseefus - Strong turnaround after last season, but he’s playing the win-pinata AFC south for almost all his initial games. This half of the season will propel him upwards into stardom, or down south to where he’ll be painting the basement, because he better make his new home nice to look at.
Wildturkekiller –Holy shit does Locker play with a streak or what? More consistency before I move him upwards.
Redible- Anyone can win with the Ravens. Let’s see how he does against a talent-comparable squad.
Grimlock – HAHAHAHAHA YOU TOOK PEYTON MANNNING AHAHAHHAHA. Oh, what’s that? He’s winning? Fuck…well…uh… Wait, are you sure? He’s still in the NFC east, right? He is? Oh fuck. Well, I guess even I get surprised sometimes.
RG2EZ – You gave Mingley to Van. You can win the superbowl and I’ll still have you swimming down here in the kiddy pool.
Lethal – Claims to have vastly improved his run game, and while I can’t wait to see it, I can’t increase his stats before I see results. You’re like my ex, just because I see a lot of cleavage doesn’t mean the padded bra won’t disappoint me right when it gets good.
Timetofap.jpg
THE REST OF US!
Hey guys, I’ll get some popcorn and ill sit in the middle so everyone can get some. I’ll put it on my lap for easier access, too. Just reach right in there and grab as much as you can get. Yeah, just like that. Take some popcorn, you dirty....
