Welcome NFL fans to Draft Day - 2.0 Reboot
Today we will be talking about the NFL Draft tomorrow and what to expect from our inside information.
Let's kick things off with the current projected draft order pending trade approvals.
#1 - Browns
#2 - Fins
#3 - Lions
#4 - Jets
#5 - Broncos
#6 - Fins
#7 - Bengals
#8 - Steelers
#9 - Niners
#10 - Colts
Current Rumor Mill: Browns
Current Billionaire has big plans for his team to make waves in the AFC North next season. He stands behind his current GM Toshie and knows he will draft the Top QB prospect W. Nienhuis in this years draft.
Owner Quote: Toshie knows that I will fire his ass before the Commish finishes the name of any other player. He's a good employee that follows orders that why I gave him the gig.
Junior QB Nienhuis has all the tools and looks to be the next playboy of the NFL. His arm is on point and his legs allow him to make extra time when there is no time. He lit up the College secondary units for 3 straight years and only had a few bad games during that span. The only player to ever get the best of him had off the field issues with his Coach's wife and the Dean's daughter thus causing him to be benched for most of his Junior year. This caused his draft stock to take a huge hit and fall of of most every board. Other than that player Nienhuis has been a machine that just moves the chains and puts points on the board!
This was a photo taken by the towel boy showing two teammates telling the current young/vet QB the bad news.
LT:Â Hey man... I heard you just bought a big house.
QB: No, man... I bought a frigging mansion! We are gonna party!!!!!
CB: You did not hear... We just moved up in the draft for that pretty boy QB Nienhuis.
QB: WTF... is this a joke? What the fuck!!! I took a balloon note for 180 days on a 5.5 mil mansion. My current salary would not even pay the first interest payment.
LT: Sorry man... Do you mind if I take your locker? It's closer to the bathroom and I puke every time I think about taking the field for this team.
QB: Fuck you man... I'm gonna stick this out as I heard Nienhuis is a pussy! I will get a shot by Week 4 to earn my new contract!
Toshie: Hey Coach. I hope you are ready for life without Nienhuis.Â
Coach:Â Fuck yeah... We threw a party the day after our last bowl game.
Toshie:Â Speaking of parties, I heard a rumor that nobody went to Nienhuis' BDay party, is that true?
Coach: Yes. The players told him they were throwing him a big party downtime at the Omni Hotel. He showed up and entered the ballroom / party room and found out how bad his roommates really hated him. It was a party for Furries and he showed up in the Mascot uniform. He got bent three ways to Sunday for hours.
Toshie: Ouch... well I will try to keep that in mind. But he sure is good looking and I think that smile of his will charm his way into the hearts of every Browns fan.
Coach: Yeah well just make sure he does not play in a division that has a player like the kid that had the three way with his coach's wife and dean's daughter. Otherwise you will find a QB that will just drop the ball and run when he feels pressure. Hell sometimes in practice he would scream like a girl and run away from the pressure and he was wearing a redshirt! No hitting the reds! He gets rattled easily and his mid and deep ball look weak under pressure.
Toshie:Â That boy sure is good looking...thanks coach!
Browns Coach: Toshie, do you want to see one of these anytime soon? You once had it all and put fear into the hearts of those teams around you. You built the team up on both sides of the ball. Now you are trading up to draft a pretty boy QB when I have 14 holes to fill?Â
Toshie: That ring sure is pretty. Almost as pretty as Nienhuis.
Toshie:Â Hey big N, how's it hanging?
Nienhuis: It's pointing North right now just thinking out our time together in the future. If you thought that Vegas was a wild weekend just wait till you what I do to you every Sunday before the big game.
Toshie: Whoa... keep that shit quite Mr. Pretty Boy. This could be recorded by that pill popping, gas gauging, owner.Â
Nienhuis: My bad Toshie. What's up?
Toshie:Â I know what happened at your BDay party at the Omni.
Nienhuis: That was the best B-Day present ever! Epic times!
Toshie:Â You know the team thought it was a bad time for you?
Nienhuis:Â It would not be the first time I fooled someone.
Chiefs GM WindowMaker: Toshie, what's up man. I keep getting calls from Lethal wanting my pick. Should I do it?
Toshie: Hell yeah man... That guy overpays for everything. He tipped a waitress at waffle house a new Tahoe b/c his wife was to drunk to drive her car home. I remember this one time when I fleeced him out of his #1 WR and #1 CB and said I would return the favor again. So the next year I signed the Hokie FS that started for him the year before!Â
Chiefs GM WindowMaker: Sweet! I was hoping this would be another great deal for us. We got his LT that looks better than any LT this draft and the Bucs 1st next year with more picks to boot!
Toshie: Shit... Why did I not make that trade with him. Oh yeah... I'm dead to him.
The Browns could have traded down and gotten this stud LB. It also happens to be the LB that caused all the gameday issues for Nienhuis. Now he will sign with the Ravens, if he is not drafted on Sunday.
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Current Rumor Mill: Fins
The Fins proved to be one of the worst teams in the NFL last season. Tanny threw a record 5500+ yards, but ended up with 50 INTs and 50 sacks.Â
The team has traded away about every big contract on the team in hopes of a complete rebuild. The owner has said that the GM has until next August to get a championship. If not, he will sell the team to Luigi who has turned his current championships into Billions by providing lessons to the Titans owner on how to wipe his ass with $100 bills.
The team is currently trying to trade up to the #2 spot and to the #6 spot. Rumors are flying about Tanny becoming an afterthought and a CB being the #6 pick.Â
If the Fins find a way to make it happen then look for them to pick to "Slow" guys as they have no luck since Marino retired. They hope their QB will be the one to turn the page for the Fins and of course they feel the need to have 4 CB's or more, so the CB at #6 makes perfect sense.
The team currently is only hiring past Hokies and applied for a team name change to the Miami Hokies. Fans are not happy as they don't even know what a Hokie is but they are willing to give this team of Hokies a chance!
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Current Rumor Mill: Lions
They tried to get Calvin Johnson out of retirement. But he lives in Hawaii now and has no plans of leaving the beach.Â
They could trade down as the Fins are now looking at QB at #2. But many scouts think they will in fact stay and draft the Heisman winning FS Blackshear. This guy caused more TO's than the entire team combined. He was a monster on the field and only his ego and his bad knee can keep him down in future years.
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Current Rumor Mill: Jets
The Jets have no fuel to take off yet. They are an aging team that needs a good batch of youth to help them get off the ground again.
That being said they are the Jets and they will draft the oldest Rookie to ever play in the NFL. He is a two time redshirt (1 medical) for the Gators. He is a long snapper and has yet to ever have a bad snap.
Although some scouts think they will take CB to help balance their secondary. Revis is getting older by the second and starting to show it on the field. This could be a great move to have a future Hall of Famer teach up the young rookie with star potiental.
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Current Rumor Mill: Broncos
They plan to keep trading down until they own half of the 2nd round this year and next! They are adding talent and picks at an alarming rate as they drop down the board.
Some scouts think that the weak draft will prevent them from trading down more and select the best player available at this point. That very well could be a LG from Ohio St. He was the roommate to the playboy / badboy lover of wifes and daughters. Many scouts projected that they both would have went into the Top 10 had his roommate just kept it in his pants. Let this be a lesson to all those that want to let the snake loose downtown every night. Sooner or later you will wind up with 14 kids just ask Crowmartie or find yourself in real trouble like Raperburger from Pitt.
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Current Rumor Mill: Bengals
The Bengals are in a Division that could see a 10-6 team not even have a chance to make the playoffs or they could have 3 teams in the playoffs.
They struggled last year to find more plays early on in the season to full most teams. But since then they have hired a phototronics instructor to help the offense learn more plays.
The team has a lot of holes to fill but they need to build a defense first in a rough division. The leads many scouts to think they will select MLB Diaz and hope that he can pick up the defense quickly. He is talented but has a low awareness and some say it could be a mental limitation that has no solutions. He was benched for 3 games his Senior year for missing the bus ride home. He thought he was to wait in the tailgating areas and the bus would pick him up. He is pretty gullible and his teammates like to have fun with him.
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Current Rumor Mill: Steelers
The Steelers had a great season and traded up with the Bucs to add the missing piece to the team. They barely missed the playoffs last year and beat most every good team they played.Â
They have roots tied to UVA and are projected to draft several of their players. But reports came out two days ago about naked wrestling fights and the coaches were aware of it. This sounds like some weird shit and could have messed up many of the young talented players coming into the draft out of UVA.Â
The Steelers are still working the lines to move up and should have a trade partner with the Broncos to move up to #5. If they stay put many scouts think they will take a CB or LB. But some scouts have pointed out that the DT's and DE's would fit very well on this team. That may be the case as the Top 3 CBs could be gone by this time.
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Current Rumor Mill: Niners
They have been the center of the media's attention over the kneel down during the anthem. Now they will have a chance to make a change for the better and add some positive news to a team that got rid of their best coach that led them deep into the playoffs each year.
The GM has anger issues as seen in his youtube videos. But he can make all that go away by drafting the player that slipped by all the other GM's in the Top 8 or he could draft a bust that continues the spiraling death of a franchise.
This team needs a LB and he should have his shot at drafting one of the Top LB's at #9. Although he could draft the first WR to come off the board and hope that he can score more points than his defense gives up.
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Current Rumor Mill: Colts
The Colts sucked for Luck and won the lottery? Or did they? The team has not been impressive since they started drafting bust to build around Luck's rookie year.Â
They have OL issues and could find a top LT at #10. Although some scouts think they will look to the DL as the OL is so deep this draft.
Either way they did not trade V. Davis back to Miami thus making him less cool.
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Top 10 Projected Positions To Come Off The Board In Order:
QB
QB
FS
CB
CB
CB
LB
LB
DT
LT
